Missing you...
It happened so fast
I never had a chance
Should have told you before
Didn't think you wouldn't be here anymore
You were too young to go
I wish you had more time to grow
Only two years we had together
I will hold those memories with me forever
Missing you more each day
Didn't think it would hurt this way
An angel in heaven you might be
In my heart is where I will always carry you with me
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This poem has a nice title, and evokes a lot of emotion, which is very appropriate considering it is an elegy. It is also much more specific than the previous version, so good job there. The only thing that could be improved is the rhyme scheme--most of the rhymes seemed forced and don't flow naturally with the poem. One suggestion would be to eliminate the rhymes altogether, or to rearrange the words in a fashion that would produce a better rhythm. Other than that, this poem is solemn and well-written.
ReplyDeleteEven though I know this is a very sad poem topic, and from the words of the poem I know it was a very hard moment for you, I agree with the comment above that says the rhymes seem a little bit forced. I think this is a poem that might be even stronger if you did away with the rhymes all together and just let the emotion lead it.
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